it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
