it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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