I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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