He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
