he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize