just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
