Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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