dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
