Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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