My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
