somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
