But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Me. At least after what I've been through.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
