Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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