we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize