Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You may now shotgun with the bride
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
