You can't special order awesome
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
