He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
