i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
