can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
