I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
