you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
