He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Found the puke drawer
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
