I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
