i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
