The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize