He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
