I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
