Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
