Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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