wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
