we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize