i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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