So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
