your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize