hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
