he looks like a really good dad on facebook
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
