like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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