I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just cropdusted the office
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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