Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
