I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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