is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
