I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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