Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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