Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
