I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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