Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
