His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
