Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
