And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
