i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My liver just had a heart attack.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
