is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
