Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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