ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am midnight drunk by noon
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize