We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Randomize
