Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
