6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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