I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
COCAINE IS GR8
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
