Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
