if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
