If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize