A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize