I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
