Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
