I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I AM VODKA MAN
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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