Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
